So I wish I was uber positive and had a million amazing things to write about this week. But, I think I've always teetered more on the side of realism and caution.
So this week was a little rough. I'm starting to realize exactly how far out of my comfort zone I've wandered and I'm not really sure if I like it. Obviously, this program wasn't meant to make me comfortable and certainly no one consulted me as to what I would like and not like. And in a Sunday School way, I'd like to say that if it's hurting my flesh, then it's working right? But man, it's not comfortable! I don't necessarily enjoy feeling restricted, or patronized, or babysat, or honestly, necessarily enjoy doing grunt work. I know it's all for 'The Kingdom' and it's all for a greater cause. And I know I probably shouldn't complain or grumble, but I'm just being real. If Jesus prayed that discomfort (albeit on a much grander scale) would pass him by, I figure I can too. It's a strange feeling to realize that when some of my peers were in middle school figuring out locker combinations and taking 6th grade P.E. I was graduating. Some hours it feels like not only did I downshift my life, I changed to an entirely new vehicle.
There are definitely still a lot of positives about this whole thing. After a week it seems as though all the guys are really getting a lot more comfortable with each other--this week we had wrestling matches, farts, and really no one in our house wears shirts and/or pants after a certain hour. It's also exciting to see people come out of their shells and step into the calling God set out for them. It excites me to be able to mentor some of the younger boys and be able to take a back seat and let someone else take a leadership role and watch them learn and grow in that position. I guess, sometimes, it's almost easier to believe for and be excited for someone else's calling and life more than mine.
I suppose it's all in how you look at it. Right now it's hard for me to ignore my discomfort. It's hard for me to ignore everything I 'gave up' in taking on this internship. I guess this is what 'walking by faith' feels like. I don't have a clue what happens in 10 months, I don't know what all God is doing--I honestly don't know anything that He's doing. I just know that when people complained to Jesus about all they left behind to follow him, he simply said they were more or less investing and were promised a 10-fold return. I have to believe my God is not a liar. I have to believe my God keeps his promises. And I have to believe that at some point, through all this, I'll look, talk and love more like him--and in the end, it will all have a purpose and an amazing finish. I have to believe.
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