Abba, Father...

Today Pastor Joe talked about what fuels you. And while we can find all sorts of 'fuel' for what we do in life, he made a great point today. Your fuel ought to be to live to please your Father, not necessarily your physical, biological father, but your Heavenly, Almighty Father. Many times we find 'fuel' or motivation in different places, but this was comforting to me. Not anything I didn't know before but a great reminder that my Father, my God is always for me and is always on my side.

As I look back over the ebbs and flows of the last three years of my life, it's not hard to realize that He has always been there for me. There were scares I've faced that he brought my family through. One year we thought mom had breast cancer, and while for many this turns out to be a reality, he pulled us through. There was last year when the doctors basically told us to go say our goodbyes to grandpa, he pulled us through. In my finances, when I've needed an exact amount, He's surprised me many times with that exact amount just at the nick of time. A client that finally came through, a friend that felt led to sow, a surplus in the bank I was unaware of, the list goes on. The heartache he softly mended and healed. All the days and night I prayed that He would surround me with amazing friends and to my surprise, most of my old drinking buddies get saved. He's been there.

And so now as I stand at the cusp of yet another change in seasons, a shift in gears, I can't lie and say I'm not a little worried. I won't pretend I'm not hesitant. Yes, even a little scared. And while, we've all experienced our share of people that have let us down and hurt us, I have to believe and trust in the fact and the history that my God, my Abba Father has me. He has my back. He is for me and He is with me. Let me explain something, the term 'Abba,' look it up, is an Aramaic term of endearment for the word 'father.' So God wrote me a book, in which He says, I want to be your Abba, your Daddy, your Provider, your Protector, your Everything. Everything I need and everything I will ever need. So yes, like any other season of change, I'm a little intimidated. But my Father, my God that wants to be so close to me that I call him Daddy, He has my back. He goes before me to pave the way, He comes behind me to protect me and He'll flank my left and right to shield any blindside I may have.

I don't always like change, nor am I comfortable with it. I learned this about myself. Up until recently, I was very much a 'past' person. I was often nostalgic for the past and how great things "used to be." When in all actuality I was nostalgic for a past that I wished had been. Don't get me wrong, many of my experiences have been amazing, and many of my life-lessons have been well earned. But I think in my eagerness to be an optimist, I many times painted the past a little more rosy than it actually was. So I work on, daily, being a forward thinker. Enjoy today, while recognizing the past, but have an eagerness and anticipation for what is to come. And as I stand on the brink of my new season, I can't help but have an anticipation about my life. About my new chapter that my Abba God is writing. And hopefully this anticipation will outweigh the hesitations, the doubts, the nostalgia and the fears.

So once again, I find myself in the center of where I should be. Do I know where I'll end up? Not necessarily. Do I get nostalgic for the past? Sometimes. Am I excited for the future? Absolutely.

So here I am God. I give you once again, my fears, my hesitations, my doubts all to know that you have something beyond amazing for me. If my biggest, baddest dreams are Your starting line, I can't wait to see where we're going. Pave the way for me, make me fully aware of your presence in everything I do and let me be the one that brings You to others. May I leave others with enough of You in their lives that they are changed for the better. I love you, Daddy. Thank you that you are for me and you are with me. In Jesus' awesome name. Amen.