He knows.

Amazing seems to be a word we throw around in our 'christianeze' vernacular all too often. Yes, my Jesus is amazing. Yes, He performs miracles on a daily basis. Yes, He does amaze. But I hesitate to label everything in my life amazing because I'm afraid that after a constant barrage of amazing events, truly amazing ones seem a little more dull. With that, I have no other way to describe my life in the last six months. Amazing.

I left my 'career' that I was so comfortably settled in the middle of a full blown recession only to stumble around the job market and take a position with a significant pay cut. Why? Who knows. My two-year picture perfect relationship ends on my birthday. Why? Quien sabe.

Turns out God knew. And all along He was orchestrating a perfect symphony of coincidences and closed doors to get me to the place where I give up and yell out at Him in frustration. What amazes me about this God I chase is that He's not a religious God. He doesn't want or expect me be to be clean, perfect or even pious. So when I'm sad, He wants to hear about it. When I'm tired, He wants to know about it. And when I'm pissed off at the way things are going, He wants to hear about that too. I know I probably shouldn't ever be sad, pissed or tired (because truly pious people are demi-dieties that don't feel these things) but I sometimes find myself sad, pissed and tired so I figure why lie to Him? So once I came to the realization that in my mid-twenties, I still have very little clue what I'm supposed to do with my life, I finally asked Him. And because this God I serve, this God that loves me isn't afraid of my questions, He answered. I wish I could tell you it was an audible answer. Or maybe even a cool email with smiley faces and a cool font. Or a Facebook comment on my wall. But no, my God gives me billboards of circumstances to let me know where my next turn should be.

So here I am. 26, starting over and scared out of my mind. And sometimes I am a little pissed my picture perfect relationship ended shortly after my perfectly planned career path to a six figure income and a nice suburbia existence ended. And I am a little sad that I feel like I should be more 'ahead' in life. And I am a little tired of going around in circles. But you know what? God knows what He's doing. And never in my life have I felt more in the center of His attention and in the center of His will. So how will this all turn out? Dios sabe.