Randomly Wrapping Up Tuesday..

Yep. Definitely writing at 4 a.m. Wish I wasn't such a night owl.

• Work 1 was called on account of rain. Work 2 was rough on account of people being grouchy.
• I followed a new Twitter, austinsxsw, pretty informational on local Austin happenings, just don't follow on your cell, cause they will BLOW it up.
• About 7 weeks left til I'm interning and living on an episode of Cribs.
  
• Andy and I decided we might like to invest in some cruisers and join the motorcycle club at Celebration. Seriously.
  
• Laura drove to New Mexico (not really NM, but close) via 620, where her car broke down so her, Weller and me drove out to see what we could fix. No dice tonight, but tomorrow Weller plays superhero.
  
• Turns out my mom is just as much of a night owl as I am and really good at late night talks. And still the most beautiful, anointed, Jesus-filled woman on the planet.
  

Because I can.....




My favorite text all day:

Katherine: Being the animal lover that I am, I picked up a stray cat but can't keep it. Do you know anyone that would want it?
Me: The butcher?

Oh! (not OK, I know, I know-still funny eh?)


My Jesus today:

² You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.
James 4:2 NLT


Good nachos people.

Kionda Compa!

Part of the growth that comes from difficult seasons is that if you're introspective enough, you hopefully learn some truths about yourself and the world around you. Through all this I've had some people hurt my feelings, some aggravate me and others love and encourage me. So I've been kicking around this thought for the last few days: who are my friends? and how can I tell? Seems simple enough right? But it's not. Can I give my friends some sort of badge or call sign to identify them? Can I revoke it when they're no longer a friend (yeah I think I've come to realize that just because some people were at one point considered a friend, doesn't mean they'll always diligently carry that label). There's Fran the towel lady at work who gave me her box of peanuts that one day she overheard how starved I was. Does that make her a friend? There's Ben the ultra ripped 40-something year old that's a regular at my café who I share pleasantries with. Does that make him a friend? What about Zadie the neighbor down the street that brings over home grown tomatoes every season? Pretty obvious these guys aren't. But then there's those gray areas that some people wade into (and I really don't like gray areas, so maybe that's why this issue has been taking up so much mental real estate lately). Katherine, for example, was for some time just a co-worker, but after hanging out with us long enough and being freaking cool, is definitely a friend! And at some point don't all friendships start off that way? You meet someone you're indifferent about, hang out long enough or talk long enough to realize you have some common interests and gradually you share in each others' worlds more and more. Does anyone really encounter a complete stranger and anoint them a 'friend' after introductions? Of course not. So how can I tell the difference?

Last night Andy and I got to pray with a buddy of our's that's going through a 'character development' season in his life right now. At the end he kinda stopped and said -I thank God for friends like you. That simple phrase sent my trickle of thoughts into a flood stream of ideas and categories. So as best as I could decipher, I think I now know who my friends are. And because I'm a man and I have a compartmentalized vantage point of the world, this is the best I could come up with.

Acquaintances: Pretty straight forward, I somehow know you, or may just know of you. We might even share pleasantries or an occasional laugh but nothing more. Nothing against you and nothing for you. Clean slate to move forward. Many times this is where 'circumstantial friends' develop.

Circumstantial Friends: We're not really on any level of depth, we're homies almost because we have to be. Reminds me of Asa, this really genius kid I went to school with that developed his own periodic table or something crazy like that. We were lab partners once and traded phone numbers and emails, but after the lab and the semester was done we made no attempt to stay in contact but would say hi anytime we passed each other in the hallway.

Necessity Friends: Personally, I hate being this friend and making people feel like they're this friend. We're not really great friends, but because you somehow always need something from me you pretend like we are. Truth be told, if you took a pop quiz of my life, you would score a solid 40%. You don't really know much about me, if anything. In fact, some of the most basic info you may be clueless about. How many brothers do I have? How many sisters? When did I get saved? Where did I go to school? Who's my favorite country artist? You don't know because you only call when you need a favor or for guys especially, this happens all the time, when you need help moving (aaaargh!), but other than that I'll realistically never hear from you until the next time you need something else. Be careful, if you treat people like this long enough, you won't be considered anyone's friend and when people recognize you as a necessity friend, they'll begin to ignore you. And then you'll have to move your own boxes and heavy furniture. This reminds me of ...............psych! I'm not gonna blast anyone publicly. Ha!

Yeah, We Cool Friends: Almost like a promoted acquaintance. We're cool. We might even be really cool. We hang out, we might share the occasional inside joke or hand shake. We probably know some basic info about each other. Most people in my life are here. And that's cool. I'll gladly help you move because we also hung out last Tuesday when you had everyone over at your pad for board games or whatever. We might even have the occasional 'deep talk' about life or Jesus or girls (they're all silly and make no sense). This is a cool place to be.

We Used To Be Cool, But Then....Friends: Yeah we used to be cool, but then that one time he/she acted a complete fool and then I realized he/she was crazy/rude/mean/shallow/self centered/a mooch/etc. Or it may have been after a multiple series of events i.e. only calling when they need something. These people are like the dude at work that was a manager but jacked around long enough that he got an ultimatum from the Department Head-would you rather be fired or be demoted? And because homeboy had bills to pay he had to take the demotion. So he knows the system, he knows the in's and out's but has no access to the safe, the money or any other sensitive materials and doesn't get invited to the super fun manager meetings. At some point we were cool, maybe even really cool, but after you acted 'a fool' you got demoted because you didn't get fired.



Cosa Nostra: You're my boy Blue! Weller says this a lot and it seems to fit here: I didn't get to pick my family. I got to pick my friends. And you know, sometimes I would rather hang out with my friends! There's different levels of security clearance I have here, but these people are mi gente. My homies por vida. I will fly with you to edges of Avalon! And maybe some of the only ones that get these references. But we talk, and probably pretty regularly. And if we don't, I know next time I hear from you, it's not because you need help moving a washer or your grandma's 1960's TV set that is built into a solid oak box and weighs 89 tons. No friend, next time I hear from you it's because you want to hang out and do life together. It will be because you looked up and realized it's been some time so you just wanted to call and see how my life is going. You'll ask about my family (who by now, is probably your family too). You'll ask about me and Jesus. Me and girls (they're all silly and make no sense). Me and life. You are the circle that knows me in and out. You've seen my good and my bad. Some of you have probably seen me obliterated out of my mind stumbling down 6th street some years back and you've seen me cry in worship at Celebration. We're not friends because we have to be, we're not friends because you need something from me. We're friends because at some point we've poured into each other enough and realized this life is a little bit easier playing wing man for each other.

I realize this might seem like a very egocentric view of friendship. And you might be right, it's not all about me, but you know what, sometimes, it is a little about me. Especially when it comes to picking my friends.

¹² This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. ¹³ There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
John 15:12-13 NLT

I thank God for friends like you.



Post edit: I have no sisters, unless you count Omar or Nicky when they're being crybabies. :) And country music is the sorriest excuse for noise to be labeled as music and like stabbing needles in my ear drums. Just FYI.

Lord, teach me patience. Just kidding.

So through this crazy season of endings and beginnings I've grown to have less and less patience for, lack of a better term 'fluff.' In my world most things are black or white, up or down, right or wrong. Either you did or you didn't, fess up and move on-I don't need or care for the peripheral story. Accept responsibility and cut it out.

A few weeks back I overslept for work by two hours! Yeah, I felt like a tool. Way to lead by example right? I called my Department Head and fessed up. No excuses, no side story, nothing broke down, no tragic emergency; I simply dropped the ball. It was honestly really liberating. He sounded a little taken back and almost confused. What do you mean, you just overslept? What's wrong? What happened? Is everything ok? I didn't have an excuse and didn't want one. It took him more or less a day to get over it and now I'm back in good graces again.

I guess I just want the same blunt honesty from people. I know most people are, on some level, intimidated by conflict or at least a little uncomfortable with it. But my view is that if you don't have conflict, how can you ever learn conflict resolution?

So I get really annoyed when people are dishonest with me, vague or otherwise unclear. I get annoyed and a little cranky. This seems to be working my patience, which I've learned I really hate developing. But apparently in this season, Jesus seems to think I somehow would like more of it. Or He would like me to have more of it. Either way, I don't like it.


Jesus, please end this season of growing patience in me through other people-or end it soon. Or don't. Your call. Amen.

Y Que?

So sometimes I have a little jaded view on this thing most people call Christianity. It seems to me that we throw around all these "feel good" words and phrases because it's what we're supposed to do and say. We go to services and sometimes, if the week was good i.e. God was good to us, we tithe, maybe we go crazy and drop a little more in. On days we wake up on time and remember to, we read a page out of our Bibles or maybe a page someone else wrote about their Bible. And after all this I have to ask what's the point? Sometimes we go through these same motions over and over and over again and there's no change in our lives. We're still quick to judge, quick to anger and slow to love. So what? So what you "serve" on some team once every other week? So what you give up some sort of comfortable offering when you "remember?" So what? What's the point of all this?

This question stared me right in the face this week as I came to realize that even pastors get sick and make mistakes and are prone to tragedy. So if the most pious ones among us aren't immune from life, why then do we do all these things? After all, has anyone ever really SEEN God? Not The Virgin Mary on your toast or some hazy trip you had that time you fell asleep watching some crying lady ask for money on TBN. But has anyone ever seen a tangible image of this God we profess our love and adoration to? No.

So why do all this? If the most "holy" among us still go through lives struggles why do all this? What is the "so what" behind your faith? That's my challenge to you. If you're sharing with someone that's never thought to follow this intangible God you so deeply love and follow. What's the "so what" behind your story? You go to church? So what? You read your Bible? So what?

I don't know what world you live in, but my world and my unsaved friends aren't ok with Christianeze answers. My world and my friends want and demand a "so what" to my life. Why do you do this? Do you know?

My God changed my life. My God loved me when I felt no one else did. My God cheered and rooted for me when anyone else would have labeled me a failure. My God, the God that designed me and fashioned me and made me also gave me a purpose. So when life doesn't completely play out my way, I know He has a purpose for me. I know He loves me and cheers for me even when, especially when I drop the ball. That's why I do this. Why do you? What's my "so what?" I have a God that loves me, that roots for me, that has a purpose for me, that has a plan for me. So what? I've never been happier or more complete or more satisfied. That's what.

He knows.

Amazing seems to be a word we throw around in our 'christianeze' vernacular all too often. Yes, my Jesus is amazing. Yes, He performs miracles on a daily basis. Yes, He does amaze. But I hesitate to label everything in my life amazing because I'm afraid that after a constant barrage of amazing events, truly amazing ones seem a little more dull. With that, I have no other way to describe my life in the last six months. Amazing.

I left my 'career' that I was so comfortably settled in the middle of a full blown recession only to stumble around the job market and take a position with a significant pay cut. Why? Who knows. My two-year picture perfect relationship ends on my birthday. Why? Quien sabe.

Turns out God knew. And all along He was orchestrating a perfect symphony of coincidences and closed doors to get me to the place where I give up and yell out at Him in frustration. What amazes me about this God I chase is that He's not a religious God. He doesn't want or expect me be to be clean, perfect or even pious. So when I'm sad, He wants to hear about it. When I'm tired, He wants to know about it. And when I'm pissed off at the way things are going, He wants to hear about that too. I know I probably shouldn't ever be sad, pissed or tired (because truly pious people are demi-dieties that don't feel these things) but I sometimes find myself sad, pissed and tired so I figure why lie to Him? So once I came to the realization that in my mid-twenties, I still have very little clue what I'm supposed to do with my life, I finally asked Him. And because this God I serve, this God that loves me isn't afraid of my questions, He answered. I wish I could tell you it was an audible answer. Or maybe even a cool email with smiley faces and a cool font. Or a Facebook comment on my wall. But no, my God gives me billboards of circumstances to let me know where my next turn should be.

So here I am. 26, starting over and scared out of my mind. And sometimes I am a little pissed my picture perfect relationship ended shortly after my perfectly planned career path to a six figure income and a nice suburbia existence ended. And I am a little sad that I feel like I should be more 'ahead' in life. And I am a little tired of going around in circles. But you know what? God knows what He's doing. And never in my life have I felt more in the center of His attention and in the center of His will. So how will this all turn out? Dios sabe.