Spend Wisely...

So in this new season I've entered one thing has become increasingly clear: my resources are limited. And so are yours.

I remember being a kid and feeling like all the time and resources in the world were at my disposal. And they were. But as I've grown, I've come to realize this no longer holds true. So while we ought to always be wise as to where we invest our time, efforts and money. So too, we should be wise and choosy as to with whom we spend our time and efforts.

I had second thoughts about writing this, because in my heart of hearts I am an ardent advocate of love God and love people. But I've also come to realize that loving people includes yourself. In fact, in Ephesians men are called to love their wives just how they love themselves. The problem, I think, is that many times, men don't love themselves. They are incomplete, unwhole, broken. And out of that lack they attempt to love a woman and instead they end up trying to make that woman a substitute for the lack in their lives. And so too, do women. Anyways, point is this: if you're not complete, whole and unbroken; how can you expect to give any of yourself to anyone? Friends, family, lovers, whatever.

So in that I've recently become a pretty big fan of myself. I don't mean for this to come across as conceited or arrogant. But I mean, I've become a better steward of my resources. Namely, my time and energy. You see, while we are called to be light to this world and bring Christ to people and people to Christ. You're also to be a steward of you. So be choosy who you spend time with. Rev. Run (RunDMC) said this: "practice loving everyone, but be careful who you surround yourself with--apples hang with apples." And I think it holds water, love on everyone. Be Christ to everyone at all times. Don't be a jerk. Ever. To anyone. As much as you can help it. Lol. Apologize when you fail. But choose carefully who you invest most of your time and energy with. Those people will either build you up or tear you down. Don't feel bad for letting people exit your life when they've become more taxing on your time, resources, sanity, emotions than what they pour back into you. In fact, if you have to force yourself on someone, you should really ask yourself, does this person even merit this much time and emotion? Relationships (friendships, family or otherwise) are a two-way road. If you're doing all the chasing, all the calling and all the vying for attention. What is your return on investment? It's ok to let people exit your life. If people are really interested in your life and well-being they'll find time and effort to pour into you. And at the end of the day those are really the people you want in your life. People that on some level, make you and your life a priority. Because as much as people may 'have your back' it does you no good to rely on those people just to turn around and find out that they peaced-out when 'having your back' was no longer convenient.

This isn't a green light to axe people from your life without some sort of effort to find a common ground. But guard yourself. Guard your heart. Not everyone that claims to 'have your back' or be about you really does or is. And on the flip side of that, enjoy, appreciate, honor those that stick around when you're not at your best. Those that have seen you at your lowest and still love and respect you. People will come and go. Seek wisdom in your relationships with people. Sometimes, you'll have to release people to their destiny--which may have nothing to do with you and other times, you'll have to man up and hash out issues to keep things going. But if you ever feel like your forcing yourself on someone. Don't. Find people that love you, people that are about you, people that will balance you out, but will encourage you. And hold on to those people for dear life. And realize others are simply there for a season.

Father,

Thank you for the people in my life. I never, ever feel like I deserve them, but by your grace you've surrounded me with some world-class friends and family. And while you've taken me through different seasons where you allowed people to exit my life and I'm sure there will be more, help me to always lean on you for my peace, my security, my sanity and my comfort. I love you Father. You're amazing to me and you give me more than I deserve.

My Protection.

Lately I've had Psalm 91 HEAVY on my heart. Specifically verse 4:

He will cover you with his feathers.
      He will shelter you with his wings.
      His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

As I look back over last year to where I'm at now, I won't lie to you, it was definitely one of the MOST challenging years of my life. If I had to describe it in one word, it would be death. I remember having these feelings of desperation where I felt like nothing was going right-I wasn't going right. I remember being mad at God for not showing up for me and protecting me from all this death. I hate to sound trite, but it really is the only way I can describe what last year felt like. And so many things in my life died last year. So many things that I held on to for dear life, simply passed away and faded. Non-negotiables that I banked my life on all of a sudden had vanished. I don't know how other people handle loosing things in life, but for me it was somewhat of a character check. I wish I could say I never doubted God and I never got mad at Him, but truth be told, I did. I was so confused as to why God would allow so much in my life to slip away without so much as a second thought. Later on I became mad at Him because I couldn't understand why He would let me get so attached to people and things that were simply not meant for me. I was hurt. I felt unprotected. Vulnerable. For a man, these are not good things to feel. And little by little, I think I began to understand that maybe that was the point. When I came to a realization that my little 'grown up' existence I had created for myself was all a farce, I had no choice but to run into the wings of my God. It didn't make it much easier at first, I still wanted for those things, those situations. But you hang out with God long enough, you get to understand His voice a little better and if you listen hard enough, you get to understand His heart as well.

His heart was never to injure or cripple my life. It's been all along to protect me. To protect me from a mediocre life I was creating for myself. In short, to protect me from myself. See, I had grown so complacent and so selfish that I couldn't see past my wants, my dreams, my desires. And while all those are great things to have, they had become my idols. The very things that were driving me were slowly suffocating the life out of me. My idols were slowly, but surely bringing death. So while the season I went through to let all those things out of my life hurt, I found my way home. I found my way into a new, safe place with my God that holds complete protection for me. Under his wing. Tucked away in his feathers. It's still a little scary for me to think of losing things or people in my life that I care about, but as I look back over the last year where so much in my life died, I'd like to think that when God says no death will come near me—He means it. He will and He has protected me from a final death, a death that was slowly eating away at me.

 

How did all this come up? I'm going into yet another new season in my life. It seems like now I'm hitting one every quarter. And I'm a little scared, but more of a scared with anticipation—like when you're sitting at the top of a rollercoaster hill about to drop. And while I'm a little scared and almost hesitant to face this new season head on, I know my God is here. I know I'm tucked away under his wing. Does it mean life is handed to me on a silver platter? Absolutely not. Does it mean I'll never struggle? I wish. But it does mean that even when things seemingly 'die' in my life, I'm protected under his wing, I'm in His shelter. Another one of my favorite Psalms (92:13) says this:

Those who are planted in the house of the LORD
         Shall flourish in the courts of our God.

And that's very much how I feel right now. I feel as though my season of death, my season of pruning came and went and just about everything in my life is flourishing. And while there are still parts of my life and my heart that God is hashing out and pruning off, I very much feel like God has brought me into a whole new season of flourishing. There are still absolutely desires and wants that I've stored in my heart and I believe God will bring those too, to pass, but for now and forever, I know I'm tucked away under his wing. Under his feathers. Letting Him be my protector. So even when I feel scared and vulnerable, I know He has me. He has my back-even when it feels like He's the only one that does. Death has lost its sting under His wing.

 

Abba Father,

Thank you God that you have always protected me. Thank you that even in my foolishness, you were there to catch me. Thank you that your grace and mercy covered and protected me when I made other things idols in my life. Thank you for protecting me from death. And thank you for this season of providence. Lord, you know my heart, I give you those wants and dreams and trust that all that will come in your good and perfect timing. I love you Jesus.

-César Ivan.