I've mentioned this before, but working these wackadoo international hours really gives me a lot of time to reflect-sometimes probably too much. But here recently, it's been good. As I look back over 2010, I can't help but feel thankful for where I am. It has been a good year. It has also been one of the most trying years I've had in recent memory, but it has been great nonetheless. So far, here's a few things that I picked up:
- Cherish friendships. If there is one thing that got me through 2010, it was the people around me. Which in itself is a bit of a contradiction, because this year, more than most, I've let people go out of my life. And not that that's a bad thing, but I realized this year that I was investing a lot of time and energy into friendships and relationships that really weren't reciprocating much if any of that investment. So slowly and quietly, I slipped into the background of a lot of scenes and let my 'friends' seek me out a little more. I had a suspicion as to which ones would and which ones would inevitably fade themselves. And for the most part, I was pretty spot on. I'll say this though, it was a bit surprising when some people, who at one point had poured out their heart and pledged their undying allegiance to our friendship, fell off and became no more familiar to me than my local Starbuck's barista. There were those that I could almost predict were calling for some favor or reference; a job opening, an introduction to so-and-so, who knows so-and-so and just as quickly were gone without so much as a 'thank you.' Or the ubiquitous 'can you help me move Saturday?' friends. But that's ok. That's life. But this, more than anything, taught me to cherish those that are in my life simply because they care about me and want the best for me. These are the ones I invested in and these are the ones that got me through this year.
- There is wisdom in counsel. This is one of those things I've 'known' in the theoretical sense, but this year I've seen become more real in my life than almost any other 'epiphany' I can readily point to. In fact, so many of my solid decisions that I've made this year I can point to phone calls made to a select three to four people that honestly took the time to pray for me, pray with me and lend the best advice they could garner from their God-given wisdom.
- Take care of yourself. This seems really simple, but I think this, too, has come into a pretty sharp focus this year. It was either Rev. Run or Russell Simmons that said 'you're no good to anyone, if you're not good to yourself.' And I realize that comes across as some privy little fortune cookie quote, but it was really something that stuck with me. Be good to yourself. All the time. As much as you can. And not in a conceited, self-centered way. But I honestly believe I am a son of God. A prince of the Most High. Co-heir with Christ. All those things we're supposed to believe, but we never really do—I mean we don't really believe them in such a deep-rooted way that it shapes our daily lives. So I learned to be good to myself. Maybe it's because I realized I'm closer I'm closer to 30 than I am to 21, but I want this body to last me for a while. I want to play catch and basketball with my kids. And at the rate I'm going, those won't be around for quite some time. So I lift and run and try not to put too much junk in my system. But not just physically—emotionally, spiritually. As much as I can feel when I eat junk food and forget to work out for a few days, I can feel when I haven't been consistent in the Word or forget to include Jesus in my day-to-day. This was also part of the reason I cut off some people from my life. If they became too emotionally taxing, they were gone. And not that they were bad, but I'm good to myself. I respect and cherish myself. So if I don't mistreat myself, why would I allow someone else to? Yeah I'm talking a little about relationships here, but seriously, if you don't respect and honor yourself, why would you expect someone else to? I have this rule when it comes to 'talking' or 'seeing' someone. And maybe it's off and could perhaps use a little tweaking, but it's something like this: I am really, REALLY good at being single and I honestly enjoy it. And, in my mind, if I'm allowing someone else in my world and possibly looking at the chance of starting a relationship with her, she ought to bring more to the table than she takes away. Simply put, if it's harder being with someone than it is being single, what's the point? I don't have to argue with myself when I'm single. I don't have to apologize to myself for being rude or disrespectful. I'm good to me. So if someone comes along and isn't as good to me as I am, I move on. I realize this seems a little ego-centric, but it's a simple cost-benefit analysis, if the person I'm looking to possibly start a relationship with takes away more than she deposits in my life-it is unhealthy. Be good to yourself.
- Be humble. I'm obviously still working on this one, but it's one of the things that God's really been pulling on my heart about. Short and sweet—if you have to tell everyone how great you really are, you're probably not that great.
- Be who you are and let others worry about whether they like it or not. This year, I've had some pretty good discussions with other Christians on everything from politics, to the role of the church in society to beer. And that's cool. There are some gray areas that are just open for interpretation. I don't think anyone is going to hell for disagreeing with me. But at the same time, I quit worrying about impressing others. I was never very good at it to begin with, so why bother? I am who I am and that's all that I am. Pretty good right? Popeye. It simply comes down to this, if you wouldn't like me for who I really am, why would I mask some of that to meet your comfort level? You can have your views and I'll have mine. I love Jesus and he loves us both, so why sweat the details?
And while none of these have really turned into a checklist of resolutions for 2011, there are some definite areas I would like to improve on.
- I would like to make wiser decisions with my life. Now, more than in other years I'm seeing the consequences of making dumb choices when I was a dumb kid in the world. Yeah, there's grace that covers your sin, but there are also consequences for living an undisciplined life. I don't want to have to look back in my 30s and wish I had made better choices in the bottom half of my 20s.
- I want to be known as a man of my word. A man of integrity. I think of my dad here. But the man was old-school. I mean old-west, old-school. He was a man that would say no before he said yes to most things. And while that aggravated everything in me when I wanted a new toy, I can appreciate now that he was also a man of his word. If he said he would do something or he would be somewhere you could write it in stone. In fact, in the years he raised me, I can think of only one time he ever said he would do something and it fell through. We were playing basketball one day and had to cut it short. He promised me we would pick the game up the following week, but never did. The reason? Shortly thereafter, he was admitted into the hospital to fight a two-year fight that would eventually take his life. He was a man of his word. He wasn't a man that 'overcommitted' or 'double-booked' himself, fancy lexicon we've come up with today to diffuse a situation when we drop the ball and show there is a flaw in our integrity—a lack in the value of our word. I want to be known as that man.
- I think, finally, I want to be more of a man of purpose. I heard from a friend recently that I had not talked to in almost a year and in the catching up, the most honoring thing I think she said to me was 'César, you're a man that sets goals and reaches them.' She reminded me about a year ago when, over coffee, I mapped out my 12, 18 and 24 month goals. Life happened and we just kinda fell off for almost a year, but it was cool to be able to show her how in a little less than a year I was past some of my 18-month goals. I wasn't bragging, honest, we were just catching and she was the one to point out where in the map I was.
