It seems like a recurring theme here lately for me has been marriage. My two best friends are getting married, an old friend from middle school is getting married, the 12 year old down the street is getting married. Seems like every other person around me is getting married. And if they're not, most people are talking about it. I have to admit, usually stuff like this doesn't phase me. At all. No, seriously it doesn't. I think that's the advantage of being a guy, is that I can be completely content being single for long periods of time. I don't know if most people are wired this way, but I'm really good at being single. In fact, I would venture to say that I'm better at being single than I am at relationships. Ask around. Haha.
But last week seemed to strike a different chord. In fact, when I pray about my future and my wife, I usually feel pretty comfortable with the concept of hurry up and wait and wait long. Wait real long. But last week. Last week was a little odd. I was talking to some close friends that I genuinely look up to and admire—they have a great marriage, they raised fantastic kids, they have great careers, they've lived full lives. And I think the combination of talking to them about marriage and seeing how happy they were after all these years breached something in my usually dormant reservoir of emotions. But it hit me. Is it odd to be this comfortable at the prospect of never marrying? I have to admit, I did get really, REALLY comfortable at the thought. After one of the best relationships I've been in ended on a really bad rough patch, I carried around a lot of hurt. I felt betrayed. Wasted. Burnt. And after I got over all those feelings, I didn't think I would ever be ready or even willing to come around to the idea of marriage. So much so, that I think I genuinely got ok with the idea of being a life-long bachelor. George Clooney seems to have it pretty good. Do your own thing, focus on your career, travel, accumulate a comfortable existence and play cool uncle to all your buddies' kids. I'm starting to feel as though maybe not.
And when I pray about it, it feels like a new season spiritually. I'm more aware of the long-term implications of my actions. All of a sudden my career feels like more of a project to present to someone than a means to an extravagant and adventurous end. Something else hit me this morning when praying. Usually my prayers are something like –Jesus, IF I do marry, make my wife amazing. Make her really cool, make her an amazing cook, make her someone that is cool with me being a dude, someone that likes that I'm into sports, make her an amazing cook (this one is really important), make her really, really, ridiculously, unbelievably, unfairly gorgeous, etc. In essence, Lord, I don't want a mediocre wife. I want a best friend for life. I want someone that I can hang out with in 20 years. Travel, go on hikes, workout with, double dates with my buddies' wives, everything. BUT if she's not all those things, I'll stay single. For life. See, I would rather be single for the rest of my life than compromise or settle for mediocrity. And usually I feel like those prayers sometimes feel like a little kid rattling off his Christmas list to his Dad. This morning was different. It hit me in a very real sense that if God is preparing a wife for me (hopefully), than surely he's preparing me for one of his daughters. Now, I know this isn't theologically very deep, but for me it was a little bit of a wakeup call. I guess because I got so comfortable with the idea of being George Clooney that I almost treated those prayers with frivolity and a lack of weight behind them. But I suppose it's true. If I don't want to settle for mediocrity, I want a wife that thinks the same. Ask anyone that knows me and the thing that keeps me single for so long is that I am, fastidiously, almost unrealistically picky. But I like my method. It keeps the crazies away and keeps 99% of the girls off my radar. Which might only contribute to me being such a dude, but I don't dwell on that. Point is this: if I am to have a wife someday. It would be great to think that we didn't settle for anything. In fact, I want her to be able to look at me and know in her heart of hearts that I am the man God created and prepared for her. She didn't settle, she didn't compromise, she didn't waver. She waited and God gave her more than what she thought she could ever have in a husband. Because to be honest, that's how I want to look at my wife.
The flip side of this is that when God promised Abraham a son it still took some 20-odd years for that to come to pass. Abraham dropped the ball when he took matters into his own hands and tried to rush the plan and timing of God.
So God,
Thank you for your promises. Thank you that you don't forget about me and you have only the best for me. God, make me a man of integrity and wisdom. A man that people would follow and respect. A man after your own heart that can lead with courage and love with passion. A man that loves the life you've given to him, but also pleasures in the work of his hands. God make me a man that has a life that you can smile upon. Make me a man that is without foundational cracks or blemishes. I know I'll never be perfect, but God make me as solid as my future and destiny requires. God, make me a man that can rest and be patient and wait for your promises and your impeccable timing and not a man that would foolishly take matters into his own hands. I know you're working and doing amazing things in my wife's life-whoever she is, wherever she is, but God make me a man that can lead, love and be a steward of one of your amazing creations. Make me a man that you can trust with the heart and life of one of your daughters. One of the really hot ones. That can cook...not one of the ones with a lazy eye, or facial hair or unusual amounts of body odor. Amen.
p.s.
God if she spoke Spanish that would be awesome!
